Nothing holds me back
by hellektrikorton
Summary: With the arrival of the spin-off series "the Originals" we can only guess Klaus is leaving Mystic Falls, crashing our Klaroline dreams forever(?). So here is the letter I think he would write to her before his departure.


Dear Caroline,

I am leaving. Nothing holds me back in Mystic Falls anymore. Nothing has ever really held me back in the first place but I just realized it now.

My dreams of an hybrid army died the same day your precious friend Elena took her last breath as a human being. And I think I knew all along that this cure story was nothing but the shattered dreams of some vampires that aren't strong enough to deal with their new life.

I now plainly realize that I have to go on, find a new goal... somewhere else; since Elena was the last of the Petrova bloodline, nothing holds me back...

Though I'm not leaving the heart as light as I hoped. Some part of me wants to stay and try something... anything that may help me to get closer to something I know would never happen. Something I dream of and that I have been dreaming of every night since I laid my eyes on you.

You opened a part of me that I wished would stay close forever, a part of me that I know would be the reason I fall one day, a part of me that I never thought existed.

You're probably rolling your eyes right now, reading my vain attempt at a poetic prose that could make you understand what you mean to me, what you represent in my mind.

You rolled your eyes when I gave you presents, when I draw you, when I complimented you, when I opened up like I had never done before.

I have never lied to you, Caroline. I never hid my feelings and maybe I should have.

On many level, you know me better than any of my siblings with who I had spent the last thousand years.

That sounds ridiculous and I am sorry... You probably haven't read this far. I imagine you discovering this letter on your bed, sighing as you recognize my hand-writing, giving it a shot just to see if it's good or bad news and deciding it is good after having only read the first line. You probably have already thrown this away...

I don't know why I keep writing... maybe it is that part of me that I talked to you about that hopes you have kept reading because the news of my departure does something to you... anything.

I don't expect you to be sad. You made it pretty clear numerous times that you wished me gone. I certainly don't expect you to be mad since me leaving is probably the best thing that could happen to you and your friends…

Maybe you're just relieved. You will all be safe and no more living with a constant threat around you.

But I hope, I sincerely hope that one day, in many years, maybe centuries, you'll think about those moments that we shared and you'll smile, feeling a little pinch in your heart and regretting to not have taken the chance to get to know me as I once suggested you…

My worst fear is to imagine you thinking of me as a monster for the rest of eternity. I know that you said you still saw, some times, the human in me but I also know you said it to use me as you have done many times in the short period of time that we knew each other. I still can't decide: was it just words or was it more? Did you really hoped for me to be different so that you wouldn't be repulsed and ashamed to count me as one of your friends?

Caroline, I often thought on how I should reveal my feelings for you and I may say that I am disappointed by how it happened…

Of course I am ashamed of my behavior… I never truly wanted to hurt you, physically or emotionally. I even had sort of promised myself that I would never hurt you. I can't forgive myself so I don't expect you to do it anytime soon.

My temper got the best of me, once again. Of course, Tyler helped. I would have never gone this far without that poor excuse of an hybrid. He is the thing I regret the most. I made him and it was the biggest mistake of my long life. And the worst is that you love him.

I am aware that you will never share my feelings but I can handle that. What I can't handle is thinking of you in his arms as he pretends to protect and love you. That just disgusts me.

You deserve so much better Caroline. Not me, of course, but better. Evidently, in my mind, every man would be better than that… _dog_ but you are a princess, a queen, a goddess Caroline. Don't let anybody drag you down. You should be at the top of this world because I never saw anyone as smart, funny and beautiful in my entire life, and as I am the oldest person alive I think it means a lot.

I am not the type to give up but I get that I can't always win, and I failed at winning your heart, which in my opinion is the most important treasure there is. So here I give up because I came to the realization that you would never be truly happy with me and if there is anything I want in this world, and in any world for that matters, it is your happiness.

But I'll ask you one thing, one favor.

I know, why would you do me a favor? Well because deep down inside, even if you don't return my feelings, you felt pleased to know that a monster like me that had never been capable of love had fallen for you. And for that feeling, I think I deserve the right to ask for a favor.

What I ask you is to not give your heart away. I know that it is the kind of things you do because you're too nice and too sweet but please, don't give it away. You might give it to the wrong person and nothing would hurt me more than to know you are heartbroken.

Wait for the right person to come and win it or even steal it. You deserve something epic that will surpass any romantic stories that you have ever heard of, something that will remain in the memories as the most beautiful love story ever.

Your heart is full of love and love you shall have. I know somewhere, somehow you will meet that person that will make you feel like you make me feel. I don't speak about some high school romance as the one you live with Lockwood, I talk about true love, the one that makes you feel great and sick at the same time, the one that won't let you sleep but makes you feel you're dreaming all the time, the one that makes you live hell but feels like paradise.

And in that somewhere, at that some when, I'll be there, watching over you. That sounds creepy, you should think (yes, I have come to know you pretty well!) but it will just be to be sure that nothing will ever cloud your life, just to be sure you're as happy as you should be, to see with my own eyes that there is nothing you miss in life, nothing you regret.

I admit that it is a bit selfish of myself because seeing you happy is certainly the only thing that will ever make me happy. I hope this won't be the cloud shadowing your future happiness.

Though I guess, making me happy is the last of your preoccupations but at least I hope I don't disgust you enough for you to ruin your life in order to break all my chances of, one day, smile again.

Caroline, when you'll find this letter, I'll already be gone.

I had thought about coming to bid you my goodbyes but I don't think I could have stand the look I inspire you in your eyes. I try to keep in my memories the image of you from the day we spent together at the Miss Mystic Falls ceremony when I made you laugh. Me, the monster, the blood-thirsty hybrid, I made you laugh. You, the most perfect creature that ever existed.

This image will forever be kept in my mind as a reminder. Like Icare, I came too close to close to the sun and burnt my wings. But still, it was worth it.

I don't regret having known you, Sweetheart. Even if I have never been so hurt. Every minute, every second spent in your company was worth it.

Every sight of you wearing that blue dress or that bracelet I gave you, every attempt of seducing me to distract me, every smile… Worth it all.

Thank you for all of those, love.

Klaus.


End file.
